As we jump back into the school year, one group that our staff pays extra attention to is our freshmen. We can't assume that they come prepared and ready to take on more work loads and able to navigate all the logistics of high school (schedules, GPA, more freedom, social life, etc.)
That is why throughout the school year we host regular check- ins with the freshmen to orient them to the features of high school as well as making sure they are feeling good about their new surroundings.
I found this guide for parents that I thought might help folks navigate the high school/teenage years (see below).
1. Be clear and be vocal about your expectations. Set the bar high, both in terms of academics and behavior. Be vocal about your own values and priorities. Do NOT buy the notion teens don't care what parents think. In fact, they do listen, intensely -- even as they roll their eyes and mock your pronouncements. Make it absolutely clear where you draw the lines in the sand. If kids know what would make you freak out, they're likely to think twice before crossing that line.
2. Be your child's cheerleader. Despite teenage bravado, early adolescence is when kids most need to have an adult who says, "I love you. I believe you. You're a great kid." Be generous with praise and compliments whenever the opportunity presents itself; it will make the scoldings far more palatable.
3. Turn poor decisions into learning opportunities. As my sister once said, "Teenagers are all stupid. It's just a question of whether they're stupid about the big things or the little things." Especially for ninth-graders, mistakes are an inevitable and necessary part of growing up. When bad things happen, it's our job to help the kid pick himself up and figure out the lesson learned and move on. (My mantra during my kids' teenage years: "This was something you had to learn at some point in your life, and it's good you learned it now.")
4. Keep your kid busy. Insist your freshman become involved in at least one structured activity -- and it can be anything from sports to debate team to church youth group to Tae Kwon Do. The benefits are many: Kids can explore their interests and showcase their talents; it improves their social life, and exposes them to adults who can be influential mentors. No surprise, teens in organized activities tend to be much happier and are less likely to get into trouble than kids with lots of unsupervised time on their hands. And keep an open mind on what your child might like -- you may be surprised as to what they might gravitate to.
5. Help your teen find his or her passion. Many, if not most, high schools have a surprisingly wide range of course offerings, including off-campus options such as dual enrollment at a local college or classes in a countywide career and technical education program. High school is a great chance for kids to sample different classes and explore career possibilities. The choices may be more limited for freshmen, but ninth grade is a great time to read the high school course bulletin and start laying concrete plans for the rest of the kid's high school years.
6. Don't take it personally. Somebody recently told me, "Preschoolers are like dogs. Teenagers are like cats" -- an apt characterization. Like cats, teenagers crave love and affection – but totally on their own terms, and their diva-like behavior can be maddening. The key is not to take it personally. Too many parents go to war over teenage moodiness, taking it as disrespect or a sign of a "bad attitude" -- and destroy their relationship with the child in the process. My philosophy: Pick your battles, don't let a teenager bring you down to her level and keep a sense of humor and perspective about the teen psyche. And recognize when a kid says, "go away," it often means they need a warm hug versus a cold shoulder.
7. Continue to parent. As kids start high school, they can look like adults. They can be all to eager to embrace adult status. But they are not adults. You are still the parent, and it's important to continue to provide structure and oversight. Keeping close tabs on a child's schoolwork and social life is not only perfectly appropriate, it's highly necessary. Even the most academically talented, emotionally stable kid can temporarily unravel freshmen year, so make it a point to go to every parent-teacher conference; closely monitor their schoolwork online, if possible, and take an active interest in their social life and extracurricular activities.
- Julie Mack's 7 Essential Tips for High School for parents of High School Freshmen: http://www.mlive.com/opinion/kalamazoo/index.ssf/2013/08/julie_mack_5_essential_tips_fo.html
